The Power of Loyalty
It’s 3 a.m. Who can you call? It’s 6 p.m. Who can you call? Who will answer? We hear platitudes about loyalty all the time.
“I’d do anything for you.”
“‘Till death do us part.”
“We’re a family here.”
“Ride or die.”
“You and me versus the world.”
This is almost always a lie. Most people are not there for us. They may want to be, but they really weren’t serious, don’t know how to be there for us or simply can’t. The same is true of us. We aren’t there for others when we said we would be. It’s not that any of us are necessarily bad people or lying on purpose. It’s just that we can say things without having to back our words up most of the time.
Think about it. Your job will be posted before your body is in the ground. She zeroed the checking account before you even had a chance to get home. We live in a time where its hard to be loyal. Things move too fast. Your life has too many windows open and music coming from one of them. We’re in the redline and the cult of efficiency tells us to be happy at our cubicles making spreadsheets from meetings that serve little purpose. This begs the question. What value does Loyalty provide?
People are “quiet quitting” by putting in just enough work not to get fired. People have kids together but don’t get married. People throw things out in our disposable world carelessly throwing things out without reflection. People today are not loyal, but they promise you that they are. They do this because we understand the importance of loyalty even though it is rarely practiced.
Loyalty is one of the 7 virtues of Bushido, the Way of the Warrior. There is good reason for this. The other 6 are Integrity, Respect, Courage, Honor, Compassion and Honesty. Duty or Loyalty is the glue that holds our society together. We make promises all the time. We promise to pay our credit card company back for that midnight snack off GrubHub. We promise to provide value for a salary or wage. We promise to be a good parent or child. What makes the question of Duty/Loyalty so interesting today is how easy we can live without it. We don't really need to be loyal to get by in this life. Many aren’t. Most people are self-serving. We don’t acknowledge how repulsive this is, but it’s true. Most people only care about themselves. This can be a dangerous path because when we convince ourselves that we are the center of the world and that our immediate needs and desires are what matter, we ultimately end up unhappy. Dissatisfied. Incomplete. Searching. Lonely. It’s true. Look at the people in your life. Self-centered people are vapid. This is not to say that being self-centered isn’t immensely profitable. It is . Our economy and culture is fueled by self-centeredness. The Ego. Me. Algorithms are crafting the perfect thing for all of us right now to appeal to our sense of self, soothing our insecurities and feeling our desires. Some of these things can make us a lot of money and fame. A popularity house of cards. Our house of mirrors world won’t discourage you or me from feeding this dog of our ego at the table.
Loyalty. Duty. Commitment. This will serve you in a much deeper way. When you really dedicate yourself to something or someone you develop grit and courage. You have to otherwise you’ll quit. Loyalty creates the courage to become selfless. To dissolve the ego to serve another. Why would anyone do this? Ask any parent. Parents are so totally loyal to their children that they refuse to give up on them even when their own children steal from them and threaten to kill them if they don’t get more money for meth. Who runs to the gunfire? Who grinds in the fields or office for someone else? Who risks it all for another? Those who are loyal. It takes guts to be selfless because it’s hard. Most people don’t want to do it, but selflessness is the doorway to love. With that, all things are possible. The more I think of it, I don’t know that there is anything in this existence more rational than love. If you deconstruct things enough, love is really the only logical choice in the end.
When thnking about Loyalty, there are 3 a.m. friends and there are 6 p.m. friends. There are plenty of people you can reach out to that will help you out, do you a favor, give you advice or move that couch until about 6 or 7 in the evening. If we are being honest with ourselves, most of us are these people. Most people have the Do Not Disturb mode on by bedtime. That 3 a.m. call isn’t getting answered. That’s fine. Just know who the 6 p.m. friends are, especially when they tell you they’re all-in, ride or die, bury-a-body friend. That one might be neither.
Then there are those mother fuckers that pick up at 3 a.m. and are already getting dressed before you ask them for anything. These are rare people, and if you have them in your life, hold them close and value them. If you’re smart and it’s an option, marry that one. It’s among one of the most important decisions you could ever make in your life. What’s surprising is the 3 a.m. people aren’t always who you think. There are some 6 p.m. dudes cosplaying the 3 a.m. friend. There are people you barely know pulling for you and will show up for you. Be smart. Know the people in your life.
Loyalty is a dog that’ll walk right to the gates of hell with you. This is the friend that will tell you when you are full of shit, not pulling your weight or lying to yourself. This is the one that will pull you out of a hole or into a foxhole. If you don’t have that person in your life, then be that person. Be that dog.